Voices In My Head
by Fennexfirefox
Summary: Yuki is sick, Shuichi is worried, and Sakano broke the VCR again! What will happen to the wanna-be rockstar when his friend is so close to death? Read and find out!
1. All Signs Point To Yes

Author's Note: Italics is Yuki, talking to himself.

**Chapter** **One**

**All** **Signs** **Point** **To** **Yes**

It hurts.

_Just_ _make_ _it_ _go_ _away_..

Why does it hurt so much?

_I_ _don't_ _want_ _the_ _pain_..

Why can't you help me?

_I don't want to feel it.._

I made you feel it.

_Please..just make it go away..._

It can never go away.

_I don't want to feel, I don't want to be..just make it go away, make me go away..._

The writer's hands shook as his typed up the next chapter, his vision of the computer screen fading in and out. He felt light-headed and dizzy, and it was all he could do to stay awake. Damn medication didn't work with alcohol.

He had to finish this chapter, just one more chapter, just one more..

His vision blackened, he felt himsel fall foward, felt his head hit the desk, felt everything just..drop as he slipped into unconsciousness.

"Yuki! Yuki Yuki Yukiiiiii!!" yelled the pink-haired boy as he burst into the large apartment his love interest currently owned. He was allowed to stay for the week, but had somehow managed to stay for twenty-seven days, instead of just seven. "YUUUUKIIIIIIIIII!!!"

He stared excitedly around, waiting for Eiri to at least say something like, "Shut up!", or mutter something demeaning to the wanna-be rock star. When no sound came, however, Shuichi began to feel nervous. Yuki's car was outside, so he had to be home, right?

"Yuki?" he called, now searching the house worriedly. As he intered the writer's computer room, he gasped. Yuki was slumped over in his chair, his head on the keyboard and hands next to him. Something, probably his drink, was pouring onto the carpet.

"Yuki!" he cried, rushing over to the older male and sitting him up, staring at him. "Wake up! Yuki!" tears were now running down the teen's cheek as he shook and -quite to his horror- slapped Yuki, trying to wake him up.

Fearing the worst, he ran to the phone, calling an ambulance and still trying to wake the unconscious writer.

When it came, Shuichi jumped into the back with Yuki and the two doctors, riding along in worry and holding his hand.

Do you want the pain to stop?

_Yes..make it stop..._

I can take it away.

_Make it go away.._

You have to go with it.

_I don't care..just make it stop..._

You will have to die.

_Make it go away..no more pain..no more..me..._

Yuki went limp, his breathing slowing, head falling to a side and face relaxing. Shuichi cried out, grasping his hand tighter, shaking him, trying to wake him back up. on..don'te die..don't leave..."

You have to go with it.

_Yes..no..no I won't go..have to stay..._

You said you wanted the pain to go away.

_I do..I do..just..I want to..stay..with him..._

You have to go now.

_No..no..._

"No!" Yuki suddenly exclaimed, eyes fluttering open to stare at the roof of the hospital. They had wheeled him into his room.

"Yuki!" came the relieved vocie of Shuichi, sitting beside him and holding his hand. "Oh Yuki..." there were fresh tear marks on his flustered cheeks, and his eyes were red from crying.

Yuki could only stare weakly at the pink-haired boy next to him, already he could feel the darkness creeping back. "Have to..go..." he whispered, shutting his eyes again.

Shuichi cried for the nurse, worry heightening again. If only he had known how long this would last.


	2. Ask Again Later

Author's Note: I suck at this, most splendidly o.o

**Chapter Two**

**Ask Again Later**

"Mr. Shindo! Please try to concentrate! Bad Luck has a concert next week and if youdon'tpracticethenTohmawillbeupsetwithmeandI'llgetfiredagainandandand..!!" shouted the worried/anxious voice of Mr. Sakano. He went spinning around in his obvious turmoil, around and around and around..until he hit the wall face-first.

Shiuchi had his face buried in his arms. Yuki had been in a coma for a week now, and all Shiuchi could do was worry, worry, worry. He had barely spoken to anyone, went home early during practice, always showed up late, and could only sing in a hoarse whisper, if at all.

"Relax Mr. Sakano, Shuichi is obviously worried about something." said Hiro, staring at his friend.

Sakano made a weird noise and brushed some dirt of his suit, still looking worried, confused, and anxious at the same time.

"Now, what is it--"

"I'll make him sing!" interrupted K, holding Shuichi at gun point. "You need to practice! Now!" he fired a warning shot, but Shuichi didn't even look up.

Sakano screamed, flapping his arms wildly.

"Everybody calm down!" Hiro yelled, slamming his hand on the table. "Now, Shuichi, what happened this time? Did Yuki kick you out, dump you, move away? What is it?!"

"He's in..he's in.." Shuichi whispered, but then burst into tears. "Yuki's in a coma! A coma!! Coma..." he cried, looking up at everybody, then putting his head back on top of his arms, shoulders shaking with sobs.

Everybody in the room stared. They all knew without Yuki, Shuichi was pretty much worthless to the group. He seemed to be the only thing keeping him going now.

Sakano frowned. "This won't sit well with the president, I could get fired again and.." he muttered, but stopped when Hiro and K glared at him.

"Shuichi--"

Shuichi stood up and left the recording studio, rubbing at his eyes and sniffling. He headed down the street, preparing to go to the hospital, when a car -or to be more precise, a limosine- suddenly pulled up next to him. "Mr. Shindo.."

It was Tohma. He was staring sympathetically at the young boy, something rare for the president to do, as usually he just made threats with a smile on his face. He could be scary at times..

Shuichi stared. "I..I was just..." he began, preparing to turn back. He cared and was worried about Yuki, but he had worked very hard to make Bad Luck a succesful band, though now it didn't seem like it. He wasn't about to get himself fired.

Tohma opened the door. "Please, get in." he said. There was no odd smile on his face, just a look of confused remorse. Shuichi sat down in the limosine next to Tohma, and it continued rolling along.

"No doubt you are going to see Yuki.." said Tohma, breaking the few moments silence.

"Yes." said Shuichi, looking down, almost certain he was going to get fired, or worse, the whole band would get fired. But the more he thought about it, he found he didn't care. The only thing he cared about now was Yuki.

"It is good that you care so much about your friend."

Shuichi looked up at the president, he was smiling, but not the creepy 'oh-you-just-wait-till-I-fire-you' smile, but a sad, kind smile. One you would give to try and comfort a sad friend.

Shuichi smiled a little himself, glad that at least nothing would happen to the band. But it struck him as rather odd that Tohma cared so much about Yuki, too. Had they maybe been together before, or did the president have an unrequited love for the romance novelist? No one might ever know.


	3. Yes And No

Author's Note: Yes I'm making author's notes for the beginning of every chapter, so don't ask. Also, cheese is very good.

**Chapter Three**

**Yes And No**

I can free you, just give up.

_No, I won't.._

You can't escape the darkness.

_I can..I know..I can..._

It is pulling you deeper.

_No..I'll..get away..._

You can't wake up.

_I can..I..._

Yuki twitched, the first sign of movement in half a fortnight (two weeks). His eyebrows furrowed, and his lips parted, as if trying to form some words.

"Can..I can..I..." he went limp, then suddenly curled up under the hospital blankets, gripping his pillow and sheets, face screwing up in some kind of pain. "Can..I can..! I can!" he yelled, fighting to open his eyelids.

"Yuki!" he heard someone yell next to him. Someone familiar. Shuichi..? Maybe. Maybe the voices were just playing tricks on him again.

You can't fight it.

_I can! I will!_

You are weak.

_No! I'll make it!_

Just give up, then I can help you.

_No! Stop it! Go away!_

You can't ignore me.

"SHUT UP!!" he roared, forcing his eyes open, staring directly into the violet ones of Shuichi. His cheeks were wet, and were dripping tears onto Yuki's own. His eyes were red, and he looked like he hadn't eaten or slept in a month. But..he hadn't been asleep that long..just a short nap, right? He was just lying in his bed at home, and Shuichi was crying because of something that happened with the band..right? Right?

No. Something was wrong. It was too bright, the bed was too small, something was beeping and there was an IV stuck in his arm. What had happened? All Yuki could remember was the voice..the voice telling him to just give up and die, to just go away..

Shuichi hugged the older male tigthly. "Oh Yuki! I thought you'd never wake up!"

"What are you talking about?" grumbled Yuki, glaring slightly at him. "It's only been a few hours.."

Shuichi let go of him and stared. "Yuki..you've been in a coma for three weeks..."

It was Yuki's turn to stare oddly at him. "Three...weeks..?"

Shuichi nodded grimly.

Yuki fell back onto the hospital bed. 'Three..three..weeks?" he said weakly, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples.

"Don't close your eyes again! Please!" cried Shuichi, grabbing Yuki's hands. "Please.."

Yuki glared at him. Just came out of a coma and he just had to act heartless, as usual. "When am I getting out of here?"

Shuichi blinked. "Later today, maybe.." he looked sad again. "Please Yuki, stop drinking when you take your medicine..it could kill you..."

Yuki just glared -a bit softer this time- at the teen. It was almost cute the way Shuichi cared about him. Cute, but pathetic.

A few hours later Yuki and Shuichi arrived back the apartment, which had remained the same since Yuki was taken to the hospital. Except the spill had been cleaned up and the computer was off.

Yuki immediatly went to the fridge, pulling out another can of beer and sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"Yuki, the doctor said for you to--" began Shuichi, looking worried.

"Shut up."

"But--"

"No."

Shuichi looked sad again, and sat next to Yuki, watching him worriedly.


	4. Probably Not

Author's Note: Where is the luffering?! I made some. Shh.

**Chapter Four**

**Probably Not**

"Yuki."

"Mmph."

"Come on, get up."

"No.."

"Yuki!"

Yuki opened his hazel eyes, only to find himself staring into violet ones. Shuichi was leaning particularily close to his face, and that damn brat STILL looked worried. "What is it now?" he grumped, looking everywhere but directly into his eyes. He was laying on the couch, but he didn't remember fallng asleep..

"Yuki, you fainted, I told you not to drink that stuff..it's--"

Shuichi was cut by a prolonged kiss from Yuki. There. That shut him up.

Shuichi pulled away. "Yuki! Really, listen to me!" he said, on the verge of tears again. Did that boy ever stop crying..?

Yuki sighed and layed back against the couch, running a hand through his messy blonde hair. "What?" he snapped, glaring at the wall opposite him.

"Yuki, if you don't stop drinking that stuff with your medicine. It put you out last time and..and you could die..."

"Why do you care?" Yuki snapped back, glaring sharply at him. Shuichi looked taking aback and stared down at his hands, tears beginning to slowly fall down his cheeks. Yuki instantly regretted his angry outburst. Sure, the kid was annoying and loud, but Yuki couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him.

"Look--"

"No, it's okay, I understand." Shuichi said quietly, cutting him off. "I won't bother you anymore today.." he stood, and walked down the long hall to the room he was supposed to be sleeping in. -Supposed- to be, but lately he hadn't been.

Yuki made to follow him, but as soon as he stood, he felt a large pounding hurt in his head, and had to sit back down in fear of falling over. Shaking, he placed a hand on his forehead. It felt heated, but somehow at the same time freezing.

"What's wrong? Why is this happening to me..?" he mumbled, little stars of pain shooting up from behind his eyes. The whole room went dark, no, the whole room disappeared. Yuki blacked out.

Do you remember him?

_Yes..I remember him..._

Do you remember how you were?

_I do.._

Do you remember what happened?

_I..I killed..I killed him..._

Why?

_He..I..I can't remember..just angry..just vocies..screaming...and then he was dead._

And then you ran.

_I did.._

Why?

_Police..life..people..I couldn't stand it..I was going to kill myself..._

But you didn't.

_No..he wouldn't have wanted it like that..He knew..I didn't mean to..._

You can't know that.

_I do..I do..I..._

"I do.." muttered Yuki, eyes fluttering open again. Ack. Fell asleep again. He shrugged, sitting up and yawning, and took a precautious look at the clock.

"One AM?!" he exclaimed, looking surprised. It was six when he fell asleep! What could have caused him to sleep so long? Was this stuff really so bad for him? He looked at his half-empty drink suspisciously, it had no label of nutrients on it, just it's name.

Blinking, he stood up, pouring out the rest of the contents and then crumbling the can, tossing it into the trash as he walked by.

Walking into the computer room, he switched on his computer, preparing to start typing again. He sighed, lighting up a cigarette and taking a long drag, waiting for the damned screen to load.

After note: Oooh! The ending's gonna be a real surprise!


	5. Complete And Total Corruption

Author's Note: Yuki..crying? o.o; I definately ate too many cheese puffs..

**Chapter Five**

**Complete And Total Corruption**

Shuichi woke early, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He could hear the gentle ticking of Yuki's keyboard in his computer room, and wondered how long he'd been writing.

He stood, dressing quickly and walking down the hall, not pausing to look into the computer room or even mutter a "hello". He only stared down at his feet, shuffling along the expensize carpet and heading toward the front door.

"Shuichi." Yuki's voice came from the room, the ticking stopping and the sound of Yuki's chair rolling back instead was heard. "Shuichi I--"

_**SLAM!**_

Shuichi had left, slamming the large metal door shut and running down the halls. He didn't seem very athletic, but that boy could run when he wanted to, leaving Yuki no time to catch up. He was left standing in the doorway, with a shocked and sad expression on his face.

The writer came back inside his apartment, locking the many locks on the door and sitting against it. Then, he put his head in his hands, and cried.

The only Shuichi had ever done was cared, and he couldn't even pretend to be happy.

Shuichi knew Yuki had a bad past, sometimes he could hear him crying at night, the way he angrily reacted to things, his reluctance to be in public..but that was no excuse for rudeness, right?

He sighed, heading towards the studio. A good thing it wasn't too long from here, or the walk would have been very tiring. Maybe he could sing today..he did feel a little better with Yuki out of the hospital.

_Minutes Later_

Hiro blinked. "Shuichi..what are you doing here?" he asked, staring oddly at his friend.

"I came for practice.." Shuichi said, staring around. "Where is everybody..?"

"They don't get here until four, Shuichi.."

"But..but then why are you here?!" Shuichi asked, looking extremely confused.

"I'm supposed to set everything up, remember?" Hiro said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Oh..yeah..." said Shuichi, sitting at the table and looking sadly down at his hands.

"Something up?" Hiro asked, sitting across from him.

"Yuki's out of the hospital."

"Oh. Is that bad?"

"No..he's just..upset..about something..he's been fainting a lot..." Shuichi sighed, resting his head on top of his hands. "Oh Hiro..I don't know what to do..I've never seen him like this..I'm..I'm scared..." Shuici's shoulders shook with sobs.

Hiro placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Shuichi..it'll get better, you'll get through this.."

Shuichi looked up at him. "You think so?" tears were running silently down his cheeks again.

"I know so."

He couldn't have been more wrong.

After Note: This by far has been the shortest chapter EVER o.o Good thing I update soon!


	6. At My Wit's End

Author's Note: It's almost over, I promise.

**Chapter Six**

**At My Wit's End**

Arriving home a few hours later, Shuichi skipped up to the apartment, feeling much better and actually humming. He stopped, however, when he saw the apartment.

The door was wide open, all the lights were out except for the television, which was reporting some old news with the volume almost down to zero.

For a fleeting, horrible second, Shuichi thought Yuki had left again. But then why leave the TV on? And why with all the furniture still here?

"Yuki..?" Shuichi called out a bit timidly, stepping cautiously into the apartment. He stared around. Nothing. Silence.

"Yuki?" Shuichi called again, dropping the little bag he carried with him always by the door. "Yuki?!" he ran down the halls, calling out again and again. Then quite suddenly, he heard quiet moans and whimpering from Yuki's computer room.

Shuichi burst in, and saw Yuki sitting a corner, holding his head in his hands and staring at the carpet in some kind of tradgic horror.

"Yuki!" Shuichi yelled, dashing over to him and hugging him tightly. "Yuki..what's wrong? Yuki?"

"Not..my name..." Yuki mumbled, not looking at Shuichi, never changing his position.

"Yuki, what are you talking about?"

"Yuki's not my name..I took it, to remember him..but I wanted to forget..always..I.." Yuki's eyes were darting quickly left and right, as if something was written on the carpet. He seemed to be insane, but what could have caused this?

"Yuki, don't be ridiculous, you know what your name is!" Shuichi held him tighter, tears rolling out of his shut eyes. Not now, why now, why Yuki..?

Yuki shoved him off. "My name's not Yuki." he stood, his eyes covered in shadow. Shuichi stared up at him form his position on the ground, looking scared, worried, and sad at the same time.

Why now? Why him?

Fate was truly cruel.

After note: Okay, so they get shorter as it ends..


	7. All Is Over

Author's Note: The End.

**Chapter Seven**

**All Is Over**

Shuichi crawled back until he bumped against the wall, and then was too scared to move. Yuki was smiling in a frightening way, and advancing quickly. He grabbed Shuichi around the neck, lifting him up.

"My name's not Yuki."

Shuichi's lungs were cut off as Yuki squeezed as hard as he could, which was surprisingly strong for someone who nearly starved himself on a daily basis. Shuichi choked, his hands clamped tightly onto Yuki's arm.

This only seemed to egg him on however, increasing the preassure and pain. Finally, Shuichi went limp.

Yuki let him drop, and fell to his knees himself, cradling Shuichi's head and crying. "I'm sorry..so sorry..."

_No one should have to feel the pain I feel._

Author's Note: The first fan fiction I've ever finished o.o And it's sad, too, except I have to be truthful: I hate Shuichi. I -might- make a creepy continuation on what happens to Yuki next. Maybe.

Well, sayonara for now!

--The Flamable Fennex


End file.
